OK, so when does parenting get better? The bottom line is we all did our best, right? The goal being when they get to adulthood everything you ever taught them makes sense and all the time and sacrifices that you made play across their memory screens. NOT!
I don't know about your kids but when my adult children get together they love to tell each other all about the "bad old days". The time they had to wear something stupid to school and it was picture day because Mom forgot, or the time when they had to sit at the table until the meat in their mouths became a petrified mess of protein. The science project that fell apart or the report Mom made them do without help while everyone else had Mommy Dearest competing for the grade. Or, how about the Christmas when they didn't get anything they asked for or better yet when they got what they asked for and then it broke. I'm not saying these things didn't happen, they did. And to hear my children tell them, it is quite entertaining.
I guess I just hope that they have some fond memory in there somewhere that will percolate to the surface and drown out my blaring errors in parental judgment. (I can see them all so clearly now.)
It is as if they arrived to adulthood by some miraculous feat unrelated to anything I did as a parent and that in reality they became adults in spite of me. Then I realize that is exactly what they did. Children grow up no matter what we do and all we can hope to do is love them.
I'm not a parent but, while I know I became an adult on my own, I love my mom and tell her all about the good things she's done for me. Even though I sometimes rib her about the other stuff too.
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, did you do something new to your blog? It seems so much brighter?? In any event I love it. Secondly, my kids are still too young to be going through this, but i can just picture what you are saying. It must be frustrating to have dedicated your life to your kids, doing your best and giving your all to just have them remember all the negative or crazy times. Hopefully they are laughing about these memories and not harping on them and holding them against you. That would be hard to deal with. Doesn't sound like the situation your dealing with. I bet you have a MILLION stories to throw in their faces. Feel free to share yours when they get into those conversations :-)
ReplyDeleteThanks! They are pretty good about letting me know they love me. Stories, oh I have a few I hold ready to unleash strategically. It is hard to get used to the fact that they don't need me as much, which is the goal, right?
ReplyDeleteIf they are living happy, successful lives and the worst they have to complain about out is you not helping them enough with science projects, you're done a good job.
ReplyDeleteI'm not old enough for my 4yo to do that for the most part, but she will say things (already) like "remember when you made me ride my bike and I fell and I got a boo-boo?" So yeah. It's started I guess...
ReplyDeleteI have three teenagers and whenever they disagree with my parental choices, or hint that I am crushing their spirit, I simply tell them they can seek out therapy when they are older and can pay for it themselves... HA.
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