I've been having a thought that has weighed on my mind this last week. For years I told my children to enjoy the day you're in but I am finding it difficult to follow my own advice.
Why?
Mostly, guilt. One of the most useless words in our vocabulary. It paralyzes our ability to act, it keeps us frozen in our feelings of inadequacy and blocks any chance of enjoying the moment.
Up until a few months ago the pace in my life was breathtaking. I never had enough time to get everything done. Every waking moment was filled with anxious busyness.
Now, I don't spend my life in the car transporting children to activities, sitting in a waiting room rarely happens, the house is quiet, it takes 2 days to fill the dishwasher and I only do laundry once a week. All six children are on their own.
Those of you in the daily race wonder as I did, will I ever get to the finish? Yes, you most certainly will. However, I've found that while the tasks have lessened and the noise is gone my inside engine is still idling really high.
Shouldn't I be cleaning, organizing, attending, doing something for someone else? I really hadn't anticipated the difficulty I would have when I wasn't needed anymore.
So my question today is...how do I quiet the guilt and slow the revving of my engine so the time I now have can be "my time"? *whoosh of guilt* How do I allow myself to sleep in, sit in a chair and read a book, write in my pajamas, volunteer, play with a grandchild, breath?
Sometimes I kind of feel what you're talking about, but I can always find plenty to fill my days. It would be nice to get out and volunteer for things but I've got so much to do here at home. Why should you feel guilty? Be happy and just do what you feel best about doing.
ReplyDeleteLee
Tossing It Out and the Blogging From A to Z April Challenge 2011
This is the time for you! Go out and enjoy yourself. This is the time to do all the things that you wanted to do, but didn't have the time to do. Let your mind soar! No time for guilt.
ReplyDeleteI would say remember there's a difference between giving yourself a break and selfishness. Is you sleeping in going to hurt people? Disappointing once in a while isn't evil or mean. It's just putting you first for a change.
ReplyDeleteLet the guilt come. Just don't give in to it without a good reason. I'm sure that you know the difference : )
I've got a suggestion....read in a chair with your grandchild until you get an amazing idea and then let inspiration keep you up nights, requiring you to write in your pajamas and sleep in and perhaps volunteer at the library (and get MORE books to read in the chair). :)
ReplyDeleteGuilt CAN be a stopper. I just don't let it stop me anymore. I keep busy, as others have suggested. I do, of course, have something important to focus on: my disabled daughter. I HAVE to take care of her (and I want to). But, read in your pajamas, sleep in, enjoy a grandchild, as others have suggested. And do come over again so I can see your beautiful smiling face!
ReplyDeleteYou wrote on my recent post in response to my snow poem: "Living in the Northwest, I'm wondering if I could write a poem as visually stimulating about the gray soggy mornings, dark afternoons spattered with thunder-less squalls and nights with rhythmic dripping..."
This is already the beginning of an awesome prose poem. Go for it!!
Ann Best, Author
I wore your tee shirt for awhile. It's an unsettling feeling when it dawns, that that busy whirl has stopped. I wish I could pin-point that exact moment when that hanging feeling disappeared into feeling the whirl again. But I do know that it will return. You just kinda have to keep busy. Some, not all (don't give up here), of those new buttons you push will work. Once this happens, you'll feel needed again. Promise!
ReplyDelete