As I start my fiftieth year, I am beginning to feel my own mortality. Gone are the days that never ended, the summers that never came and the years that seemed to crawl. Now the days and weeks speed by and there is never enough time in a day. Waiting for the light to change at an intersection doesn't make me crazy anymore, well maybe sometimes. I have spent most of my life rushing to the next destination, thinking more about tomorrow than today and counting the days until my babies would be out of diapers and starting school. Now that I am here, I 'm really wondering what the hurry was all about. Why do we feel pressure to get that one more thing done a day or make that one last phone call? Often at the expense of those we love.
Don't misunderstand; I have a huge bucket list. There are many things I want to do and places I'd like to visit in my life. However, I am enjoying each day. Now I want my days to slow down, I want to treasure each moment as it comes and be in that moment. I've always been able to appreciate my surroundings because I have always lived in beautiful places. Many of my hardest times have been tempered by listening to soft wind in the trees, walking or sitting outside and allowing my heart to be lighter as the things I can't control blow off my shoulders.
I am concerned that lost in the speed to get to the next day and the huge changes that were forced upon you, my children, you may be at a loss as to what your "Mom" really thinks, what she believes and what is important to her. I think that Dane, Bryce and Chris were blessed to be around a calmer, gentler Mother. We have had many talks about life, the future and our place in it.
So, I have decided that while I labor away on the great American novel and other projects, I would use my love of writing and words to express what is important to me, what I believe and what I hope for the future. I feel so privileged to have what I believe are the most interesting, thoughtful and creative people I have ever known as my very own children. I love you all so very much and I am proud of the men and women you have become.
All my love,
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